| By Jim Tucker
"A
child arrived just the other day He came into the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay"...Cat's
in the Cradle by Harry Chapin
It
is so easy to fall into this pattern and Chapin's
lament speaks volumes about the difficulty of being the father a man truly
wants to be when his children are born.
I had the notion some time ago to write a book about the
relationships between fathers and sons. It was to be followed by a sequel:
fathers and daughters. In my mind the book was going to be beautiful: lots
of pictures in a coffee table tome including stories of movie stars,
sports figures, corporate giants, military heroes, police and firemen,
common man and immigrants. My book would have detailed how fathers
contribute to their sons becoming successful humans. The rich and famous
as well as the unheralded; but, steadfast and true, all the same for their
anonymity. It was going to be a fine book and it would closely examine the
richness of a good father's
influence on his sons.
Apparently I waited too long to write my book because I
found it on the remainder table at Borders but with someone else's
name on the spine. "Fathers
and Sons" isn't
a terribly clever title but I stomp no sour grapes. Excellent essays by
Todd Richissin are complemented by Jim Graham's
photographs in a Courage Books edition published by Running Press Book
Publishers in 2000.
|
|
It is an engrossing book, as I knew it should be, as it
gives credit to father after father, dad after dad, and importantly -
step-fathers for being a positive influence on the son's
lives, leading them through trials and tribulations and even to
success.
Successful step-fathers deserve special applause.
Their step-children are part of a selection process where,
unfortunately, many birth children are by-products. Brad Paisley
said it in a song when he saluted a step-father as "twice
the man he didn't have to be." (Another Father's Day
book is "Fathers Playing
Catch," Donald Hill's
collection of eloquent essays about Dads and sports, family ties and
generation gaps leaped over by the bond of blood.)
The common thread in both books is that the fathers
cared. They were nurturing; although sometimes in odd ways. One
father I would have included in my book actually strung his sons up
by their thumbs in the garage with braided fishing line. Their toes
barely touched the concrete floor. They had stood aside and let a
bully berate their sister. Their Dad, a dominating expert in Greco-
Roman wrestling, felt they needed a lesson.
They were in the process of learning their lesson
when I walked up. The boys pleaded with me to go away before I "ticked
Dad off." That particular
rule hasn’t been broken again, not by these boys, and that was
1955. (But I do not recommend this technique.)
Sometimes fathers have to be like tough drill
instructors. Other times they have to quietly give guidance. The
only thing they have to be all the time is . . . there; a constant
pillar. Many of the ills that befall children can be laid at the
feet of a father who wasn’t there. It's
not an easy assignment and all men aren't
up to it. Those that are receive rewards the rest of their lives.
Not in ties or woolly slippers but in the goodness and the
accomplishments of their children.
|
There's nothing like fishing together to bring a dad
and son closer. Here Kodi Snapp and his Dad help land a big one at
the Spring Youth Fishing Tournament.
Kodi shows
off his prize
|
|
