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By Ron
Hart |
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Editors note: Ron
Hart, 46, has been a
winter
resident in Boca Grande for over two years, and a
visitor for nine. His humor pokes fun at life,
politics, and religion, and is meant to amuse and
provoke thought. His column runs between 10 to 20
newspapers from Atlanta to Tennessee. He is an avid
golfer, and can be found on the links in Coral
Creek.
Graduation
day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as
parents. They come home as contemporaries. After
twenty-two years of child-raising, they are
unemployed. Erma Bombeck
I
was
graduating from Columbia Central in 1977- an unpopular
war was ending, gas prices were skyrocketing and the
Rolling Stones were going on tour. So much has changed
since then!
I was back in my hometown recently and
had a nice long visit with old friends. A common thing
among us is that we all have graduating kids and none
of us remember it being so pressure packed as it is
today. Thanks to my attorneys getting that court
ordered sterilization ruling against me overturned, I
have had 3 kids; and the oldest is applying to
colleges now.
We all noted the increased pressure to
do well on SATs
or ACTs
and get in a great college. The pressure on these
young kids, at least in Atlanta (the city
too busy to hate
but not too busy
to over tax and spend) is incredible. The discussions
about kids and their schools dominate every cocktail
party here and every luncheon my wife attends. I say
ENOUGH ALREADY!
College
is just a place to store kids until they mature enough
to be the least bit valuable to the workforce. Most
folks are drawn to colleges like lemmings with out
asking; do
we really need another political science major
in my county? I would argue that politics, done
right, is more of an art than a science any way.
I bet Ronald Reagan was not a Poly Sci
major!
If, as the best selling book said, All
I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten,
by Robert Fulghum, then going to college is
just a waste of your time.
College professors at Birkenstock Us
around the country seek to build the kids self esteem
up and tell them that they can do anything and that
they can change
the world.
That is just cruel. 99% of college grads end up in
some cubical being worked like a rented mule with
their expectations out of line and not getting a whole
lot of that good ole positive feed back they are sooo
used to. That is the reason they drink so much.
Maybe it was my fault that I did not
learn much in college. I had a double major,
Psychology and reverse Psychology, so I take some
responsibility. Or perhaps it was that I attended a
bit of a party school. |
I think it was about my Junior
year they did away with tuition and just instituted a
cover charge.
If you paid your tuition they would
stamp your hand and you were good to go for the next 3
months. And I guess I should have known it was
not much of a school, during my tour I went into the
Deans office and asked to see the schools credentials.
He quickly stood from his desk and said I
got your credentials right here, now get out of here
The signs were all there and, again, I blame
myself. Which, ironically, blame is something colleges
dont
teach that is valuable- that and typing.
To this day, and to just avoid the
subject, when people ask me my alma mater I say always
do your best and
stare at them for 4 to 9 awkward seconds. It
invariable ends the conversation and they walk away
stunned. Try it some time, it is fun.
My kids are like most kids today.
Spoiled and probably not suited to be released into
the real world yet. My dutiful daughters work hard in
school and work equally hard rolling their eyes at
everything I do. My son is great but he is, as 95% of
all sons
are, a male. And as a gender we really are not much
till we are about 25. And even then, we really are not
much more than a body that turns beer into urine.
Therein lies the problem. Boys really should be sent
off to boarding school and not come home until they
can legally drink. At that point there is no scar
tissue from all the arguing for the previous 21 years
and life would be so much better.
We spend about 90% of our angst and
energy trying to get my son to study, picks things up,
and holds his fork right and the like. Every time he
leaves the house I remind him that he can be tried as
an adult. But none of this seems to sink in. I even
threatened to send him off to military school. And not
one of those good ones; instead one of those that has
to advertise in the back of Southern Living magazine.
Still, no change in Junior. Perhaps I should check
into a para-military school for him. If he is going to
live in the South the ability to be a helpful part of
a loosely organized militia might come in handy. And
at a minimum, he will posses the skills to guard a
moonshine still when called upon to do so.
We spend about 90% of our angst and
energy trying to get my son to study, picks things up,
and holds his fork right and the like. Every time he
leaves the house I remind him that he can be tried as
an adult. But none of this seems to sink in. I even
threatened to send him off to military school. And not
one of those good ones; instead one of those that has
to advertise in the back of Southern Living magazine.
Still, no change in Junior. Perhaps I should check
into a para-military school for him. If he is going to
live in the South the ability to be a helpful part of
a loosely organized militia might come in handy. And
at a minimum, he will posses the skills to guard a
moonshine still when called upon to do so.
As frustrating as it is, we as parents
live in the confident knowledge that these kids will
get their payback as we are getting ours someday when
they have their own kids. Yea, that makes me smile.
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